Good Morning World,
I started this blogging site back in July 2007, and then forgot about it. What with work, kids, and school, not to include all the seemingly traumatic events in my life(they certainly seemed traumatic at the time to me) since that first post. Well, I am here to continue the blogs. Please do not expect perfection, or for any of these jumbled messes to make much sense. I am as amateur as it gets. They will more than likely be an unorganized mess, and grammatical mistakes will abound, (I am sure), but I must start somewhere, right?
The Elgin House
I was so excited about that "rent to own" house! We stayed in that house a little over a year. We moved into the Elgin house at the end of August 2007. I loved it! The neighborhood was very quiet, and the house was behind the elementary and middle schools so Chris, Brandon and Ryan could walk to school. The house had ceramic tiles from the front door, in front of the bar, down the hall, in all three bathrooms, and in the kitchen. The house was 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms, with a huge kitchen and large bedrooms. I loved that house, and was heartbroken when I received a call from my husband at work. He said a man was at the door telling him the house was in foreclosure! I called my landlord and asked what was going on? I had made all but one payment on time! And we were getting thrown out on our bottoms! We (Jamie and I) tried to get a FHA loan in order to put the house in our name. I mean I LOVED that house! But our loan was denied, not once, but three times, by three different lenders. I was devastated, to say the least. We finally succumbed to the inevitable on October 30th, and moved out of our home. I would not own that home, and that was a very hard pill to swallow. We moved in with my mother in law, again.
Elgin Schools
I liked the schools until I realized I could not access my kids during the day. The doors were locked, and you would have to go into the office, sign in, and explain why you were there. Sounds easy enough I know, but who wants to explain to an office full of people, that you are worried about your kids and you just want to interrupt their classes to check on them? I certainly didn't. I was still struggling with Brandon's molestation, and trust was still a huge issue for me. And became even more of an issue when Brandon started complaining about the kids picking on him at school. He would come home almost everyday and complain about a kid stabbing him with a pencil, other kids calling him "Gay", another kid pushing him down on the ground. Did I complain to the school? You bet I did! I demanded the kid who was stabbing him with the pencil be moved. He was moved, only to moved right back behind my son two weeks later. I requested the guidance counselor to have a discussion with the other students about name calling, and I had several conference with the teachers. I got nowhere! The bullying, name calling, and general distress continued for Brandon throughout the year.
And Timmy's school, Lugoff-Elgin High school, while a good school, was rather antiquated when it came to curriculum. You see, Timmy had played the Bass in the orchestra since 5th grade, however, LE did not offer Orchestra! He also had achieved high school credit in Spanish, however, LE wouldn't take this credit. Timmy was much more excepting than I was, and he made friends that year. He met a girl and went to his first dance. He broke up with that girl the day after the dance(well I think she broke up with him), and a few months later was dating her cousin. Life does go on! And at this point my children were enduring our multiple changes with much more grace than I.
Life with my mother-in-law
I have lived next to or with my husbands parents since a month after my wedding, so it was not new to me. What was new to me, was my attitude towards my mother in law. I think I began to resent her for having all the things I wanted. These things included but are not limited to a great day time job(I was forced to work any hours I could get including 16 hour shifts), a nice big beautiful house(especially since I had just lost mine), and a great relationship with my oldest son. Also, while living under her roof, I couldn't do enough. She criticized me if I didn't do what she expected of me. If I didn't clean the kids rooms, if I didn't teach the kids long enough, if I took too long to teach them, if I didn't have supper done in time, if I forgot the clothes in the washer or dryer(because I was teaching the kids), I would be criticized. On top of the criticism, I found out she was telling people at work, friends, and family that my husband and I were not contributing to the household, whether it was house work or buying groceries. I was working full time, homeschooling two of the boys, going to school part time, and not spending much time with my oldest two boys or my husband. And we were paying her 800 dollars a month to stay with her. So.....as we had agreed before we moved in with my in laws, we moved out, but not before we had tried to buy another house.
Buying a new house and an apartment
We found a cute house near our in laws. It was a cute little 3 bedroom house with a pool in the backyard. We applied online, and got a preapproval. But like before, I was skeptical that this loan would go through, as our credit was horrible. But everything looked great right up to closing. Thats when they came back and said our bank account needed to stay in the positive for 2 months. Well, again, I was crushed! And in hind site I should have stayed on task, fixed our bank account, and tried again in two months, but for some dang reason, I didn't do that! Instead I began looking for apartments. To make matters worse, We spent every penny of our tax money that I was going to use for a down payment on frivolous things.
In June we moved into an apartment, because I couldn't endure the rules at my mother in law's. But in so doing, I left my 17 year old living with his grandmoma. And the rest of us moved into the apartment. It was not long before my hours began to get cut at work and we started getting late notices from the apartment rental office. And by October I was once again looking for a new place to live. I didn't know where I was gonna go, I just new I did not want to move back in with my mother in law, and succumb to her rules, again!
I wanted freedom, even if that freedom meant freedom from my husband. Even if that freedom came with a price.
The Price Of Freedom
Well, to make a long story a little shorter, I moved back to my hometown. This time I would be leaving behind two of my children. I found a job through my nursing agency down here, my husband (willing to deal with me, and put up with my neuroses) would commute 2 hours to work. On his consecutive days he would sleep over at his mom's.
So now we are staying in a mobile home which costs 300 a month, and enrolled the children in the local schools here. I started work at a local prison, and everything was going well, until....
The temperatures outside dropped to 18 degrees, the temperature in medical was not much higher, and the water was cold as ice. I sent a message to prison maintenance requesting help with the heat and hot water issue on a Sunday. And Monday, I was fired for not following chain of command.
In my line of work, a nurse does not call her supervisor for a maintenance issue, she(or he) would call after hour maintenance, or put in a work order. Which is in essence what I thought I was doing. I found out unfortunately a little too late that this wasnt proper procedure at the prison, and I was fired.
So now...I am sitting in my rented mobile home, wishing I had never become a nurse, never let my first place get repossessed, never moved to Elgin, never lived with the in laws, never left Columbia to move back down here. I am wondering how I am going to pay the bills and feed the family(we are down to oatmeal, rice, mashed potatoes, and veggies), wash clothes and dishes when I run out of detergents, find a job without a car(because I forgot to tell you my car was also repossessed right before I was fired). We have only been here since Nov 1 2009, and now looks like I am going to tuck tail and run again. This has been the price for my freedom, and my pride!
I refuse to leave behind another trail of bills, though. There doesn't seem to be any relief in sight!
On the upside, I have re-registered for school. This time a school I can afford(with student loans), and a different degree. My degree this time is Journalism and Mass Communication with a minor in Healthcare Administration. I have no idea where this degree will lead me. I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life! I know I want to get out from under this financial cloud I am under! I know I want to be independent, and by that I mean; I do not want to depend on anyone else supporting my family, buying my groceries, or paying my bills.
I thought about trying for unemployment, and did apply, but am afraid I will not qualify for unemployment. I also applied for food stamps, another something I quite possibly will not qualify for.
I feel like I am lost in a world that does not need me. I am two hours away from my older boys, and it seems a world away from life, from my husband and my two boys that live with me.
I am wondering how am I going to explain that I can not pay this bill, or that bill, or even the rent.
My husband only gets paid twice a month, and his checks are less that 800. He is a month past due on his car payment, the rent is due, car ins is due, light bill is due, and we need groceries desperately. I can not even apply for bankruptcy, because it costs money to do so.
So in order to help with the bills, I am trying something unorthodox. Blogging and advertising! If no one reads my blogs then it can serve as therapy sessions for me. and if no one clicks on the advertisements, then I will have made no money...but not have spent any either(Thank God).
I have made so many mistakes in my life! Let's hope this isn't another one.
Currently, we are making plans to clean out my mother in laws garage and set us up in her garage. What a depressing idea, but at this point, I don't see any other options.
If you stumbled upon this and liked it please leave a comment. I will try to post some more. I have poetry somewhere. If I can find it, I will post it here as well.
I also hope to write some short stories as well, as time permits...believe it or not time does go by rather quickly these days, even unemployed. I have spent my time cleaning, watching movies via Netflix, scrapbooking, reading, cooking and writing. I will enjoy this free time for as long as it lasts.
God bless....
Bev
