School: Is going well so far. Not much to say here, except that. The class is really boring...but I have a 90 in the class, so far.
Children: Chris has a new girlfriend! And is actually going to church with her tomorrow. I have been trying to drag that boy to church for years! LOL...And now he has a girlfriend and is going to church. He is still doing well in JROTC, and is talking about going in the Marines after graduation. Since starting to date, he has decided he wants to go to Prom, because she is a Junior.
Timmy is sick, feverish. But still in love and I am so surprised by the mature guy is has grown into! I am so proud of him and all he continues to accomplish. I wonder if he (and the other boys) know how much I love them, and of all the hopes and dreams I have for their lives? He is awaiting the Junior Prom also!
Brandon and Ryan: brought home Interims last week. They were not good. The thought that I should not have moved to Hampton grows more with each day. Brandon has several F's and D's and all he talks about is having a girlfriend, made all the more urgent since both of his older brothers have girlfriends now. I think that since he is on the cusp of turning 14 makes it much more important to0. Ryan had four F's, and I am pretty sure he will be repeating the fifth grade. My biggest fear is that he will end up repeating family history and dropping out of school. But of course, with me as his mom, he knows that is not an option. My first reaction is to punish them by restricting them from their new X-Box, but if I do that, then Ryan will read even less. I mean, at least, he is forced to read on some of the games he plays. And it keeps me sane, and able to get more done without them whining in my ear about boredom! So I guess I am hoping that the shame of having to repeat a grade will be punishment enough, but worry that it won't be enough at all. Brandon and Ryan fight constantly, and are driving Jamie and I crazy almost literally!
Work: Surprisingly enough, I do not miss working. I am now getting food stamps, and haven't heard from unemployment yet. But because of the tax money, we were able to pay some bills ahead, Rent and Insurance. Which means I can breathe easier knowing we can survive on Jamie's pay check alone. It means extras will have to go by the waste side (like cell phones), and I still cant afford but one vehicle...but at least we can survive. I have a friend from Facebook who offered me half his earnings if I could sell some of his books, but although I am trying, I do not have a taste for selling, and know absolutely zilch when it comes to promote someone. I did an email and sent it out...but I do not think he liked it...It was not creative at all...and he suggested something better. But, what do I do? I already sent out the first set of emails, and its all the email addresses I had. Do I turn around and use his idea, and re-send to the same email addresses? or What?
I was reminded by my mother-in-law of all the things that are coming regarding the kids: I have to get two tuxes for Junior Prom, corsages, and boutonnières, for two boys and two girls. And this summer, Senior Pictures and Senior fees for graduation and invitations...And Graduation Gifts!!! Arrrggg...While I have been waiting for this time, I had forgotten how expensive it is. and Timmy still doesn't have a job to help contribute, and not entirely sure why, but still doesn't have his driver's license.
Last Week I finally got Jamie's ticket paid, paid the fees DMV charged us for the lapse in insurance, and for not paying his ticket on time. Then had to turn around and pay another $10 for paying his taxes late. Needless to say, this year has been rough financially, but it is turning out ok, Thanks in part to a lot of prayers.
For my Valentines Day gift, I got a new tattoo. It is a beautiful butterfly across my back (upper shoulders). I love it...Just a shame it is in a place I can't see without a mirror.
I am still contemplating what my new career will be and how well I will be at it. I still want to find my niche in life, to find a place where I can earn a paycheck and still be happy doing something I love. I still want to write a book, or several books, but seem to lack the motivation or drive or creativeness to do so. I think it just might be nerves...or self-doubt keeping me from continuing to write the story I started. But at this point, I seem content to just stay home, and not worry about working. But then I worry if Jamie will get upset with me about me not contributing financially to the family, especially with Graduation and Senior years coming up in the next two years!
Books: I just finished three books in one week. I finished the last two books in the Twilight series, and they were great. I had a hard time putting them down. I also finished Laurel K. Hamilton's last Anita Blake, Vampire Slayer series, "Flirt". It was good, but too (way too) short (I finished it in less than 8 hrs). But at the end of the book was a snippet about where she gets her ideas from and after also reading "About Writing" by Stephen King, it just makes the desire to write even stronger.
As I wrote for my class this week...I remembered about how the Unknown is so scary. I think not knowing what tomorrow will bring scares me to death. I have no idea where I am going or doing. I am not sure if I really care at the moment. Like I said, I kinda like not working, but feel a little guilty, too.
My life is absorbed by kids, school, careers, self-doubt, and guilt...But, greatest of All is Love. Confidence in Jamie's love, in the love of my children, in the relationship of my in-laws, and in the relationship with my mom. That is the only thing, matter of fact, that I will miss when I move back to Columbia...My mom! Surprising, I know. I have had so many years where Moma and I haven't gotten along that it feels so weird to have her back the way I wish she'd always been. And Brandon has really fallen in love with my mom. He misses her, and has said as much when he doesn't see her in a few days.
They tore down our old house on Lightsey St. and now there is only a empty lot where it used to stand. And I really hate that! I dreamed of buying that house and restoring it to its former glory, but now that can not be! And , just, how sad!
Well, I guess that's all for today.
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